Mind mapping...

> I think – I sometimes over-think life....
> I know - that I am but one speck in the bigger scheme of things, but I can make a big difference
> I want – to leave a great legacy...
> I have – A great hope!
> I wish - that society didn't have to be full of pretenses to function smoothly
> I hate – I can see I'm being lied to by someone I respect
> I miss – the blissful state of ignorance I had in my childhood
> I fear - Failure
> I feel - all my emotions at the same time sometimes...
> I smell - nothing....
> I crave –for the joy of my childhood
> I search - for inner peace
> I regret – spending a lot of years being 'shy'
> I love – telling my story through poetry, photography, art

> I ache - for time spent alone sometimes!
> I long - to spend time with all the people I've ever met and loved all at the same time :)
> I care – for the world and the impact I'm going to have on it
> I always - think too much...
> I am not – fascinated by small details
> I dance - in my heart
> I sing – often almost daily
> I cry – when I feel totally defeated  or helpless
> I fight - when my values are insulted...
> I win – rarely...
> I never – take myself too seriously or too lightly
> I listen - to people when they speak about someone they love...(inspiring)
> I can usually be found – at home?!
> I need – to manage my time...(or accept that I cant?)
> I should – learn more about dealing with hurt feelings
> I am happy – when I take my camera for a walk
> I expect - to make myself proud one day (that would mean, I'm no longer hard on myself)

Out of the mould...

I feel like I have not lived up to expectations, disappointed a few by being myself...I have dared to make my voice be heard about my desires, and my individuality...and ooh how painful the results...am not sure which is better, to privately yearn for expression without disappointing you, or to express myself and become someone you don't like...Am I perhaps imprisoned by the need for your approval? Should I accept that its not coming, but its also not life giving? .....

The cold days in life...

I took this pic on a cold day at Brittas bay beach county Wicklow...it made me think about how lonely it is here when there's no sunshine, we were the only ones there on this day. I have found that when there's sunshine in my life, when I am happy, I have a lot of 'tourists'....few people will brave being with me when its cold and drizzly...this is to celebrate and appreciate them :)

I'm happy when I'm being creative

The past few days I've been working on photos for family friends, and I've thouroughly enjoyed doing it, gives me joy to experience joyful events and family being around each other happily. This is Joanna, it was her first communion, she's catholic and this is a big event in a child's life. It was awesome working on these images :)

I am truly happy when I'm creative :)

Will you love Jesus more...

I feel quite sure if I did my best

I could maybe impress you

With tender words and a harmony

A clever rhyme or two

But if all I've done in the time we've shared

Is turn your eyes on me

Then I've failed at what I've been called to do

There's someone else I want you to see

[CHORUS]

Will you love Jesus more

When we go our different ways

When this moment is a memory

Will you remember His face

Will you look back and realize

You sensed His love more than you did before

I'd pray for nothing less

Than for you to love Jesus more

I'd like to keep these memories

In frames of gold and silver

And reminisce a year from now

About the smiles we've shared

But above all else I hope you will come

To know the Father's love

When you see the Lord face to face

You'll hear Him say "well done"

[REPEAT CHORUS TWICE]

I'd pray for nothing less

Than for you to love Jesus more

Credits - this song is not by me, just sharing the beautiful Lyrics by Phillips, Craig & Dean

I wonder

I've been thinking about death; loss of loved ones and the possibility that my loved ones will also one day lose me. I often hear people speak about getting their affairs in order, to prepare for this, save enough money for your children, have trust funds, the list is endless, the religious say, make sure you're right with God before that happens...

I've been thinking about Job, with  all the calamity that he faced, he sometimes questioned God, sometimes wanted to quit..In my musings about the final destination on earth, I read Job Chapter 14 vs 1-5:

1

Mortals, born of woman, 
    are of few days and full of trouble. 
2 
They spring up like flowers and wither away; 
    like fleeting shadows, they do not endure. 
3 
Do you fix your eye on them? 
    Will you bring them^[a] before you for judgment? 
4 
Who can bring what is pure from the impure? 
    No one! 
5 
A person’s days are determined; 
    you have decreed the number of his months 
    and have set limits he cannot exceed.

Verse one and two describe the frailty of our lives, "they do not endure", the last verse...God knows our days and we cannot add any more hours or minutes to it. 

If I have no control whatsoever on my living, why is it that I am so convinced that I am "in charge" of my life, how am I so in charge of planning a schedule whose end I do not know?

This thought humbled me, and as I lay down to bed tonight I do not know if I will see tomorrow and all the things I have planned to do will come to fruition...

...I wonder, what if i did it all in reverse order, speak to God first, hear His plan, sit on the passenger seat, and let HIM drive this life, He knows the destination and how much more fuel we have?

I will share a song in my next post..for all those I will come across, this is my prayer...

Life as I know it at 29

The family member that was ill has since passed away and been buried, leaving behind a 6 month old baby girl :-(

I wonder about that baby girl's future, I wonder about her persepective on life, her values, her influence and her character. Will the influence be positive, negative, bitter, graceful, etc. Questions only time can answer...

Shy?

I've heard this said a couple of times this month and wondering if its a message to share. I was introduced to a group of ladies and one eagerly said 'tell us ALL about you!' I found that a bit daunting and said ' well i'm a bit shy, will share with time, as i get accustomed to you.' Someone else said how, she's done being shy, she was shy all her life and now she's done...she's catching up.

She said she realised that there was absolutely no value for her in retrospect.

I have been thinking and feeling the same way lately, that there's a reason I have a brain and an opinion...it adds value to conversations and interactions. I am not ALWAYS shy, but it is the curtain I hide behind at times.

So this is new developement for me...I've told myself to find five great (not good) reasons or benefits, of shyness by a certain time, or that word and mindset is going out the window. Life is just simpler when I'm upfront. I think I adopted 'shyness' as a gender and culturally acceptable characteristic.

There's gotta be a reason God designed us to see things our own way, He didnt intend for us to blend into the background...

Question posed...

So I asked this question on facebook and twitter:

Why do some friendships last forever and some only a season? When is it time to let a friend go and how?

This seems like a question which really depends on the situation, but probably one that a lot of women have had (perhaps men as well) but I think mostly women.

In essence I think what has worked is to realise when your give and take scale is tipping, yes you may be a giver (time, resources, support etc) but when that becomes a one way street...that friendship is not healthy, no matter how much joy you get from giving whatever to your friend, you are helping create and unbalanced friend scale (i just created a concept lol)

On a serious note, my opinion is that friendships are also God given, I have learnt in my almost thirty years of life (remember I have a friend I made when we were one?), I have learnt that God shields me from certain people. Sometimes God gives me just the spring in that relationship because He knows I cannot handle that person's autumn (stripping of leaves, and raging winds), perhaps I cant handle that person's winter as well, and the summer might be scorching. God then gives me the spring.

Sometimes he gives me that person's winter so I can water their 'garden'. It is all in God's hand, the key thing though in all of this is in this picture:

A song of encouragement

Today I feel low, someone dear to me is very sick and hasnt really been telling the family how bad it is, very sad to imagine the reasons behind it and how alone she must be feeling.  I realise that in this life, we cant know all the answers to 'why', 'how' etc. This song gave me comfort.

Tempted and tried, we’re oft made to wonder
Why it should be thus all the day long,
While there are others living about us,
Never molested, though in the wrong.

Refrain

Farther along we’ll know all about it,
Farther along we’ll understand why;
Cheer up my brother, live in the sunshine,
We’ll understand it all by and by.

When death has come and taken our loved ones,
It leaves our home so lonely and drear,
Then do we wonder why others prosper
Living so wicked year after year.

Refrain
Farther along we’ll know all about it,
Farther along we’ll understand why;
Cheer up my brother, live in the sunshine,
We’ll understand it all by and by.

Faithful til death, said our loving Master
A few more days to labor and wait,
Toils of the road will then seem as nothing
As we sweet through the beautiful gate.

Refrain
Farther along we’ll know all about it,
Farther along we’ll understand why;
Cheer up my brother, live in the sunshine,
We’ll understand it all by and by.

When we see Jesus, coming in glory,
When He comes from His home in the sky,
Then we shall meet Him in that bright mansion,
We’ll understand it all by and by.

Refrain
Farther along we’ll know all about it,
Farther along we’ll understand why;
Cheer up my brother, live in the sunshine,
We’ll understand it all by and by.

Words and lyrics by J.R. Baxter & W.B. Stevens